The Loud House: Returning Brother
by UltraComedyShow
Summary: Have you ever wondered if the Loud parents had a dark secret? Well, in this fanfiction, they did for a long time. Until... the secret is revealed. This dark fanfiction shows the lost brother of the Loud household.
1. Darkness Revealed

***someone knocks***

 **Lynn Jr.:** I will answer.

 ***Lynn opens door***

 **Lynn Jr.:** Hello? Whoa!

 **50 Clown:** I know I look like a nightmare but it's my ego. I'm Gerald, by the way. Are your parents home?

 **Lynn Jr.:** Sure.

 ***Lynn gets her mom downstairs***

 **Rita:** What?

 ***50 Clown grabs her by the collar of her shirt***

 **50 Clown:** Do you bloody know a son of yours you bloody abandoned when he was 6?

 **Rita (stuttering):** Uh... no.

 **50 Clown:** Not someone called... LANCE?

 ***Lance shows himself to Rita***

 **Rita (still stuttering):** Uh... hi?

 ***Lance slaps her***

 **Lance:** Hi, you horrific monster.

 ***Lincoln comes downstairs***

 **Lincoln:** What's going on here?

 ***Lincoln sees Lance and Lance sees Lincoln***

 **Lincoln:** Lance?

 **Lance:** Lincoln?

 ***50 Clown looks at Lincoln and then down at Lance***

 **50 Clown:** You can go play with him, whippersnapper.

 ***Lance goes with Lincoln to Lincoln's room***

 ***50 Clown stares at Rita, angrily***

 **50 Clown:** Where the bloody darn is the father of this household?

 **Rita (still stuttering):** In the living room.

 **50 Clown:** Perfect. 'Cause that's where we're going to talk.

 ***50 Clown drags Rita to the living room and throws her on the couch***

 ***50 Clown rips Lynn (the father) off the chair he's sitting on and throws him on the couch***

 **Lynn:** What the heck?

 **Rita (whispering to Lynn):** Lynn. This man exposed our.. secret we've been hiding from our children.

 ***Lynn looks at 50 Clown and goes in shock***

 **Lynn (stuttering):** Uh...

 **50 Clown:** EXPLAIN TO ME! WHAT WAS A LOGICAL REASON TO ABANDON LANCE?

*meanwhile*

 **Lincoln:** So, Lance, how did you escape those criminals?

 **Lance:** Heh, well, I wasn't kidnapped. It was actually darker than you thought I disappeared.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, how did you disappear then?

 **Lance:** My stepfather's discussing it to our parents. Best to not bother him.

 **Lincoln:** I can agree on that.

 ***Lance realises that he hasn't seen his sisters for six years***

 **Lance:** Hey, Lincoln, could you show me to our sisters?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, sure.

 ***Lincoln and Lance go downstairs to the backyard***

 **Lincoln (to sisters):** Listen. Do you remember Lance?

 **Lori:** Our lost brother? Yes.

 **Lincoln:** Well, what if I told you he's back!

 ***sisters look at him and then Lance (except Lisa and Lily 'cause they don't remember him)***

 **Sisters (stuttering (except Lisa and Lily):** Lance?

 **Lance:** Go on, hug me, my breath's unlimited until I pass away.

 ***sisters come running towards Lance and hug him (except Lisa and Lily)***

 **Lance:** I would appreciate that if you stopped hugging me. It's very warm though but I'm kinda suffocating now so can you let go?

 **Lori:** Not for now. You don't understand how much we miss you. How could you survive all these years?

 **50 Clown:** Well, I found him in the streets when he was 8. And he told me his parents abandoned him.

 ***sisters look at 50 Clown***

 **Sisters:** WHAT?!

 **50 Clown:** Why don't I let Mr. and Mrs. Badness explain it to you special snowflakes?

 ***Rita and Lynn come out and sigh***

 **Rita:** Kids, do you want to know why we abandoned Lance?

 **Lance:** Actually, let me explain. 'Cause they might lie again.

 **50 Clown:** Good point, Lance.

 **Lance:** Alright, the reason they abandoned me is because I was UGLY, A DISAPPOINTMENT AND NOTHING! They were so mean to me.

 ***Lance starts to cry***

 **Lori:** Don't cry, Lance. They abused me too while no one noticed.

 ***50 Clown goes in shock***

 **Leni:** And me too.

 **Luna:** And me too.

 **Luan:** And me too.

 **The rest:** And me too.

 **Lincoln (to Lance):** And I was also abused by my parents. Plus, they don't take care of me as much as the other sisters.

 **50 Clown:** Rita and Lynn, is that true?

 **Parents:** *sigh* Yes, it's true. It's just so hard looking after 11 children. Before 12.

 **50 Clown:** Listen, every other Tuesday my cousins come to visit. And they're five. And I don't have a problem with that 'cause I know how to look after multiple kids.

 **Parents:** 'Cause you're a good person. We aren't. What are we going to do?

 **50 Clown:** You're set with two paths. Completely lose custody of your children or take a year or two in child custody class.

 **Rita:** I think we should take child custody class.

 **50 Clown:** I agree.

 ***50 Clown calls the police***

 **911 Operator:** _911, what's your emergency?_

 **50 Clown:** Get the police down to the Loud household. We need to arrest two people here.

*10 minutes later*

 **Lynn:** I think we deserved it.

 **50 Clown:** You did.

 **50 Clown (to police):** PUT THEM IN THE CAR, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

 ***police puts parents in the police car***

 **50 Clown:** Two years of child custody class should do.

 **Police Officer:** I agree.

 ***police drives away***

 **50 Clown (to the Loud siblings):** I'm so sorry for you. I was abused too, you know?

 **Loud siblings:** Really?

 **50 Clown:** Yes. Anyway, it doesn't matter now 'cause we're about to ride in my limo!

 ***black limo pulls up***

 **Everyone:** WOW!

 **Lori:** Who's driving?

 **50 Clown:** The best driver I could find, his name is Bobby. A really cool dude. He told me he had a girlfriend called Lauren or Lori or something.

 **Lori:** I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND! I'M LORI!

 **Lincoln (to viewer):** Here we go, she's gonna go a little crazy.. I guess.

 **50 Clown:** Nice. Got someone to talk to on the way.

 **Lori:** Let me see him!

 ***Lori rushes to limo***

 **Lori:** Bobby!

 ***Bobby looks behind him***

 **Bobby:** Oh, hi, Lori. Let's go riding!

 **Lori:** Oh, I say that when we're alone together. In my house and your house. In bed.

 **50 Clown:** I will give you all your privacy 'cause if I hear moaning in your room, I will not dare go in there. 'Cause I'm not a creep. And yes, every single one of you will get your own room.

 **Everyone:** Nice!

 **50 Clown:** Now every whippersnapper, get into the car.

 ***Loud siblings get into the car, after them Gerald comes***

 **50 Clown:** Alright, who wants to listen to Kanye West?!

 **Everyone:** ME!

 **50 Clown:** That's the language I'm speaking!

 ***50 Clown turns on some Kanye West while Bobby starts driving***

 **50 Clown:** Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke- nah, I'm not gonna say that.

 ***everyone starts laughing***

 **THE END**


	2. New Life

***Bobby pulls up at 50 Clown's mansion***

 **50 Clown:** Thanks a lot for the ride, as always. Would you like to come inside to get a drink?

 **Bobby:** Sure, also to have a little fun with my girl-

 **50 Clown:** Sorry, Bobby, my staff haven't furnished the rooms yet so you have to wait before going coo-coo.

 ***50 Clown looks at his staff and sees them playing video games***

 **50 Clown:** Lazy bastards they are. Lance, would you like to slap them for me and also tell them to start furnishing all the 11 rooms left in here?

 **Lance:** Sure.

 ***Lance walks in to the TV room where they are playing FIFA and slaps them***

 **Lance:** GO TO FURNISH THE 11 ROOMS LEFT IN THIS MANSION OR MY FATHER WILL CUT YOUR PAY CHECKS BY 60%!

 **Worker 1:** Ha! Why..

 ***worker looks out the window and sees the Loud siblings***

 **Worker 1:** Oh, that's why. But who are they?

 **Lance:** Glad you asked. They are my siblings. Look, do you remember when my father told you I was abused in my younger years?

 **All workers:** Yes.

 **Lance:** Well, it turns out my siblings were too and me and my father found out. So, they'll stay here for a year or two.

 **Worker 2:** Okay. But we don't know what they like-

 **Lance:** Well, why don't you go then on eBay and cry there 'cause you can't go on freaking Amazon!?

 ***workers go in shock***

 **Lance:** That's what I thought. So let them tell you how they want you to design their rooms.

 ***50 Clown stands in the front hallway with Luan***

 **50 Clown:** Starting with this whippersnapper 'cause I already like her the most apart from Lance.

 **Lance:** I agree, father. Then Lori, then Lincoln, then-

 **Worker 3:** Whoa-whoa-whoa! Why don't they just write it on a piece of paper and we can do this then, okay.

 **Lance:** Finally one of you is smart.

*20 minutes later*

 ***workers are reading the lists the Loud siblings gave them***

 **Worker 1:** Wait a second. Why does a 4-year-old want a science-themed room?

 **Lisa:** Well, why aren't you smart enough about bank accounts?

 **Lance:** Damn, I never knew you got fire in your mouth to spit. That means you can come back at someone very hard.

 **Worker 1:** I'm officially burnt to crisps. Well, it doesn't matter. Alright, everybody! Let's start working on the rooms!

 ***50 Clown's wife, Helena, walks downstairs***

 **Helena:** What in the bloody heck's going on here?

 ***50 Clown sees her***

 **50 Clown:** Oh, hey, Helena. Um.. new kids are coming to our household.

 **Helena:** WHAT? Well, they better do housework here.

 **50 Clown:** Look, I know you're Swedish, but you know we got workers so no working.

 **Helena:** Well, I want a divorce then. Plus, I'm not taking half of your stuff, I'm taking half of your money.

 **50 Clown:** That means $500,000,000! Well, I don't care, go take it.

 **Helena:** That's generous.

 **50 Clown:** Goodbye, Helena.

 **Helena:** See you, scrub.

 ***Helena slams door***

 ***50 Clown starts banging his head agains the wall***

 **50 Clown:** Why does my life have to be so goddamn hard!?

*7:30 PM*

 ***everyone is having a nice steak for dinner***

 **50 Clown:** The only good thing about the staff is that the chefs are masters. Totally almost Gordon Ramsay level.

 **Lori:** You don't lie. Did you get this steak from Walmart?

 ***50 Clown stares at her***

 **50 Clown:** Are you kidding me? Walmart is more like a hobo's resort for me. I get the meat straight from Alabama. They have the best steak.

 **Lori:** Sorry for asking you this question.

 ***50 Clown laughs***

 **50 Clown:** It's okay. Asking questions is just a sign of wondering. I asked a lot of questions when I was a kid. My grandpa always answered them for me.

 **Lincoln:** Lance?

 **Lance:** What?

 **Lincoln:** How does it feel to live here in Brooklyn?

 **Lance:** It's great. I am home schooled, unfortunately, but apart from that Brooklyn and this mansion.. it's the lit life. Every one of us are going to have a blast!

 **50 Clown:** That's right, Lincoln! My mansion has everything you could imagine, almost.

 **Leni:** Uh, Gerald, why are you called 50 Clown?

 **50 Clown:** Heh, let me tell you. 50 Clown's my rap name.

 **Loud siblings:** RAP NAME?

 **50 Clown:** Yes, that's right. I'm a rapper. Lance is one too. One of the biggest in the world.

 **Lance:** Yeah, that's right. I'm a rapper. About 10 hits, I think. Can't honestly remember.

 **Lori:** Didn't know that, Lance.

 **Lance:** Well, you know it now, Lori.

 ***50 Clowns looks at the time***

 **50 Clown:** It's 8 PM. Now it's time to go pa-

 **Lori:** Wait, Lily needs to sleep though.

 **50 Clown:** Don't worry. My house is very soundproof so Lily won't be able to hear.. a thing. But yeah, first you came here today it will take time to get used to your new sleeping spot so.. I guess no party tonight.

 ***50 Clown calls workers***

 **50 Clown:** Workers, show these whippersnappers their rooms.

*2 AM*

 ***50 Clown wakes up to notice his door to his room is open***

 **50 Clown:** Hello?

 **Lana:** Hi, Gerald.

 **50 Clown:** Lana, what are you doing here? It's 2 AM.

 **Lana:** I had a nightmare.

 **50 Clown:** *sigh* I swear, if you say me, I'll send you back to bed.

 **Lana:** It's not you. It's about my parents. They were abandoning me like they did with Lance.

 **50 Clown:** What do you want me to do about it?

 **Lana:** Can I sleep in your bed for the night?

 **50 Clown:** Sure, but sleep on the other side 'cause I don't feel comfortable when little kids cuddle with me, especially in bed.´

 **Lana:** Thank you.

 **50 Clown:** You're welcome, whippersnapper.

 ***50 Clown goes back to sleep and so does Lana when she climbs into his bed***

 **THE END**


	3. Lance's New Song

***Lance is writing lyrics for his next song and Lori sees him***

 **Lori:** Hi, Lance.

 ***Lance looks behind him***

 **Lance:** Oh, hi, Lori. Before you ask what I'm doing I'm writing my new song.

 **Lori:** Oh, that's cool. Can I read after you're done?

 **Lance:** Sure, just need to write one more line for the chorus and then you can read. There is one guy featured on this song. His rap name is Lil CashMoney.

 **Lori:** Nice! Now let me read this.

 **50 Clown:** LANCE! ARE YOU COMING?

 **Lance:** Oh, shoot, sorry, Lori, but I got to go.

 ***Lori gives Lance back his lyrics and Lance runs like the speed of light***

 **Lance:** Man, I ran like Usain Bolt. I must've been that stressed.

 **50 Clown:** Yeah. AND BY THE WAY, LORI, IF YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE, CALL ME! TELL LANA THAT SHE CAN PLAY IN THE BACKYARD, I SET UP A PLAYGROUND THERE! AND LOLA CAN USE MY TO-BE EX-WIFE'S MAKE-UP KIT, 'CAUSE WHO CARES ABOUT THAT BI- UH.. FEMALE DOG! AND LINCOLN CAN PLAY VIDEO GAMES IN THE TV ROOM AND HE HAS 20 GAMES TO CHOOSE FROM! AND DON'T LET LISA INTO THE BASEMENT 'CAUSE SOMEHOW A CRAZY SCIENTIST LIVES THE-

 **Lisa:** DID I HEAR SCIENTIST!?

 **50 Clown:** Uh... no, a... CRAZY BEAR THAT LIKES TO DO WEIRD STUFF TO CHILDREN LIVES THERE! Yeah, nothing you want to see.

 **Lisa:** Oh.

 **50 Clown:** Uh.. yeah.. and ALSO, TELL LUAN THAT THERE IS A COSTUME CLOSET IN THE ATTIC! AND LENI CAN HAVE MY TO-BE EX-WIFE'S FASHION CLOSET 'CAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT HER ANYMORE! AND LUNA CAN BE IN THE PURPLE ROOM TO YOUR LEFT 'CAUSE SHE CAN PLAY WITH HER INSTRUMENTS THERE! PROBABLY PRACTICE! AND LYNN CAN TRAIN IN MY TO-BE EX-WIFE'S GY-

 **Lori:** Hold on. Why do you keep on bringing up your to-be ex-wife?

 **50 Clown:** 'Cause she ruined me quite a bit so I'm giving her a comeback. BUT YEAH, LYNN CAN TRAIN IN MY TO-BE EX-WIFE'S GYM 'CAUSE MY WIFE ACTUALLY NEVER TRAINED IN IT.. that small planet. AND ALSO, LUCY CAN WRITE IN THE ATTIC HER POEMS AND WHATEVER! AND YOU... I PUT MY PHONE NUMBER IN THE HALLWAY SO IF YOU NEED TO CALL ME, MY PHONE NUMBER'S HERE! Well, that's all I-

 **Lance:** Dad, come on. We're going to be late!

 **50 Clown:** Yeah, um.. cya!

 ***50 Clown closes the door and leaves with Lance in his car to the studio***

 **Lincoln (to viewer):** Well, hope Lori will be less bossy, first Gerald told her what to do.

*2 and a half hours later*

 **50 Clown:** Woohoo! That was fire. You burned the microphone, literally.

 **Lance:** Stop, father, I know I am really good but I am not like Eminem.

 **50 Clown:** Oh, boy, you're going to be him in the future though, I can bloody tell. Now let's see how Lori did.

 ***50 Clown opens the door and goes in shock***

 **50 Clown:** I should've not left them alone.

 **Lori:** I'm sorry for letting Lisa in to the basement. Hope she's alri-

 **50 Clown:** I'm not mad about that! I am mad about leaving those lousy workers to not clean this dog crap here! ALAN!

 **Alan (aka Worker 1):** Yes, sir, what's the problem?

 ***50 Clown grabs him by the collar of this shirt***

 **50 Clown:** Go clean this dog crap up... THEN LOOK FOR MORE AROUND HERE AND CLEAN IT UP, YOU LOUSY BUG!

 **Alan:** Hold up, I am not your slave around here! I am a person that-

 **50 Clown:** is lousy and so irritating time from time.

 **Alan:** No-no-no. I want vacation!

 **50 Clown:** You get vacation! On holidays! You get vacation on Christmas, easter, Valentine's Day, Halloween, 4th of July and Leif Erikson Day 'cause I like to be part of Norse culture.

 **Alan:** You and your, cultures.

 **50 Clown:** Anyway, clean it up or I'll cut your pay check by 70%.

 **Alan:** You never pay us!

 ***50 Clown does a facepalm***

 **50 Clown:** You know what I want to do? I want to stick my foot up your butt. Lisa is right, you're so stupid, you don't even know what a bank account is. And it's not a joke.

 **Alan:** *annoyed sigh* FINE!

*10 minutes later*

 **Alan:** All done.

 **50 Clown:** Are you sure?

 ***Alan gets ready to punch 50 Clown***

 **50 Clown:** I'll let you slip this time. Plus, if you punched me, you'd be fired instantly. Plus, I'd sue you for $120,000.

 **Alan:** Either way, I don't care.

 **Lori:** So, aren't you mad about me letting Lisa into the basement?

 **50 Clown:** NAH! I was joking. The "crazy" scientist is actually really nice. His name is Jacob. He actually lives in the basement 'cause it's the safest place for him to experiment in. And he really likes children as well, but not too much.

 **Lori:** Okay, at least I know it now.

 ***Lori turns and looks at Lance***

 **Lori:** So, are you finished with the track?

 **Lance:** Yes. Want to hear it?

 **Lori:** Why don't all of us siblings listen to it?

 **Lance:** Sure.

 ***Lori gathers around all the siblings***

 **Luna:** Show us. I'm excited. I never knew you were a rapper. I'm a little into rap, to be honest.

 **Lance:** Okay, there is an intro to it but it's so stupid I'm gonna skip over to the instrumental.

 ***Lance plays the start of the beat***

 **Lincoln:** I really like the beat, who produced it?

 **Lance:** Someone called DJ Franz On The Beat. His real name is August. Yeah, I know, a weird name but, his parents liked that name. Oh, here we go, my verse.

 _Verse 1: J-Lance;_

 _Oh, hello, hi, are you stuck in the dictionary?_

 _Tryna read new words that ain't ordinary_

 _I ain't messing with you 'cause you way too 'imaginary_

 _Be the next Eminem, impossible if you believe me_

 _You're too stupid, read everything on Wikipedia  
You're so famous but keep on claiming having social media_

 _Go to school and learn how to spell "yeah"_

 _'Cause you rap like a baby, a baby could spit more bars than ya_

 _Living on the edge, more like at the start_

 _Oh, dang, you're the fly I shot with a dart_

 _You're as simple as Mario Kart_

 _For most of your songs you always write so-called art_

 _Goddamn, crying for your mother_

 _Ay, yo, boy, don't consider me your brother_

 _You stole rap, used it wrong, I am not one to bother_

 _But now you're wanted by the police, you gone escape this disaster_

 ***Lance pauses***

 **Lance:** If you're confused by what I'm trying to say, I'm basically dissing my rap archenemy, RedBloc88. He dissed me on his song "SH00T Ü 0FF". So that was my response to him. But here comes the chorus.

 ***Lance unpauses***

 _Chorus: J-Lance;_

 _Runaway, boy, runaway_

 _You got no chance to escape_

 _Runaway, boy, runaway_

 _There ain't no second route so fade away_

 _Runaway, boy, runaway  
The police are after you_

 _No one can escape, even if you runaway_

 ***Lance pauses***

 **Lance:** Here I mention how Red is stuck in like a specific area so he has no other choice but to give up. The next verse is Lil CashMoney's verse.

 ***Lance unpauses***

 _Verse 2: Lil CashMoney;_

 _Excuse me, I got the cash mon and the Versace_

 _I am not the one for you, no matter what you say_

 _Damn, who do know, plus, to God I pray_

 _I pray fo' 100's, sometimes babes_

 _Pull up with my coop, brah, then I shoot ya_

 _Oh, yeah, I got the broom, brah_

 _What up, I get no Gucci without the chain, yeah_

 _Hoodie with the boogie, rid you like a horse jack_

 _Who the one who zero? (Zero)_

 _Who the ground up four times a week but he ain't need though?_

 _Who the pull up dude with the AK 'cause he hero? (Hero)_

 _I get the kitty, then I hit G, grab some Cola by the penny_

 _Salt to pepper, pepper to salt_

 _Do you got the root beer to hold?_

 _Here grab some drank with gold_

 _Maybe watch a movie together, I don't know_

 ***Lance pauses***

 **Lance:** Yeah, I don't know what he was saying there but he wrote it himself. Then there's the chorus again and that is the end of the song.

 ***Loud siblings clap for Lance***

 **Lori:** I think it was great.

 **Lance:** Why, thank you.

 ***50 Clown looks at the clock***

 **50 Clown:** Wow, how time flies fast. I think it's time for dinner. I wonde what is for dinner.

 **Main Chef:** Oui, oui, we have fish tonight. I know, fish is not everyone's favorite but it's freshly cooked Norwegian salmon with currie, carrots and rice.

 **50 Clown:** It's not the food, it's just your voice that makes the food seem really appetising. Anyway, it's dinner time.

 **THE END**


	4. Sorry For Party Gone Wrong

***It's 8 PM, and 50 Clown's staff are setting up decorations for a party***

 **Lincoln:** Last night you said it was time to party at 8 PM, do you do that everyday?

 **50 Clown:** Nah, Lincoln, before I "adopted" you, I used to go to 365nightlife at exactly 8 PM with my friends, brothers and sisters. When I found Lance I was very stressful but after he released his first single "Faith Got Nothing On Me", I was a little more confident. I asked the manager at 365nightlife if my adopted son could be in the club and surprisingly, he said yes. He even gave Lance his own V.I.P room, which was really nice of him. But I have parties at my crib sometimes 'cause of some special events. Tonight's a special event 'cause it's my friend's 18th birthday today.

 **Lincoln:** Wow, that's cool. What's his name?

 **50 Clown:** His name is Jake. He's also a rapper. Rapping since he was 13. He has had the same stage name since the beginning, and it is Sy10. He is signed with a label called LLEX Records. I remember his first hit single, "Rivalrous Dawns".

 **Lincoln:** I think I remember Lori always listening to it.

 **Lori:** That is right, Lincoln. I had the biggest crush on Sy10 before I met Bobby. When I started dating Bobby, I stopped having a crush on Sy10. But I still like his music. I'm so excited to see him tonight.

 **50 Clown:** There are a couple of my friends coming to perform. First one to perform is DJ Chris Jay. He's in his 60's now, but still knows how to spin 'em records. Then there's Thomas AKA Tommy Pep. Oh, how I love Tommy Pep's bars. Then it's Karen AKA Miss Spotlight. My favorite song by her is "Lady Jams" featuring Michael Jackson. I always listened to it in middle school. Then it's Lawrence AKA MC Spinna. A great guy. Then finally, my best friend, 69 NCH$.

 **Lana:** Gerald, can we be in the party?

 **50 Clown:** Sorry, Lana, unless you're 10, I can't allow you to be in the party. Lily, Lisa, Lola, you, and Lucy will sleep in your bedroom.

*1 hour later*

 ***someone knocks at 50 Clown's door***

 **50 Clown:** I'd normally get my staff to answer the door, but, you know what, I'll give them a break.

 ***50 Clown opens the door***

 **50 Clown:** Ay, it's Bobby. What up, fam?

 **Bobby:** I only came here for MC Spinna. Also for Lori.

 **50 Clown:** Well, she's right here if you want to talk to her. She picked a really nice dress for the night. I mean, my to-be ex-wife's dresses were cool and all, but that's 'cause she's a gold digger. She married me for my money. What a female dog. Say, Lori, did you pick the dress yourself?

 **Lori:** No. I got some help from Leni. I'm not a fashionable person like her.

 **50 Clown:** Lori, listen. Everyone's fashionable in their own way. It doesn't matter how you dress yourself or how you like your life, it's always fashionable.

 **Lori:** Thanks, Gerald. Oh, also, nice suit you're wearing.

 **50 Clown:** Oh, this? Thanks. I bought it while I was touring in Europe. It's Sweden-ing.

 **Luan:** *laughs* Wow, that was a good one.

 **Lori & Bobby: **I don't get it.

 **50 Clown:** The purpose of that joke was that I bought it in Sweden, which is in Europe, and Sweden-ing, sounds like "sweetening". I know, I'm not Will Smith, but I tried my best. Used to watch him a lot when I was a kid. Grew up watching him.

 **Bobby:** Can I come in or what?

 **50 Clown:** Why, sure. I didn't invite you to this party for nothing.

 **Bobby:** Thanks.

 ***Bobby walks in***

*2 hours later*

 **50 Clown:** Alright, I think everyone's here. We got 69 NCH$, Tommy Pep, Miss Spotlight, MC Spinna, DJ Chris Jay... and finally, my homie, the glorious... Sy10. Happy birthday to you.

 ***everyone claps***

 **Sy10:** Thank you. Aren't we gonna get a little lit first?

 **50 Clown:** Sure. A little warmup for the party could do.

 **69 NCH$:** Hey, Gerald, let's perform our old-selves.

 **50 Clown:** No, Daniel. I'm not about to embarrass myself in front of everyone.

 **69 NCH$:** Come on, it will be fun.

 **Lincoln:** What are you guys talking about?

 **50 Clown:** Lincoln, we're just talking about the very start of our careers. We were a state-famous hip hop duo called The High School Smokahs.

 **69 NCH$:** Good ole times.

 **50 Clown:** Yeah, I was always really awkward back then, especially on stage, but I tried my best not to be awkward.

 **69 NCH$:** Come on, Gerald, let's go.

 **50 Clown:** Fine.

 ***Daniel and Gerald walk up on stage***

 **50 Clown (to viewer):** I'm gonna hate myself a little bit after this.

 **69 NCH$:** Alright, everybody, who's ready?

 **Sy10:** ME!

 **69 NCH$:** Alright, let's go.

 **50 Clown:** *awkwardly laughs* Yeah, let's start.

 **50 Clown (in his mind):** I hate my life now.

 ***69 NCH$ turns on the instrumental for THSS' first song "TH$$ Anthem"***

 **69 NCH$:** Here we go.

 _69 NCH$:_

 _Yo, listen up, it's The High School Smokahs._

 _We ain't broke, girl, just the two of pokers._

 _50 Clown:_

 _Yeah, if you screw with us, we'll screw you up._

 _It ain't too easy to give us a back rub._

 _69 NCH$:_

 _Is it up there.._

 _50 Clown:_

 _..or is it down there?_

 _Both:_

 _Look it up on Google Earth, it is crystal clear._

 _69 NCH$:_

 _Call me Big 1NCH, not Daniel._

 _50 Clown:_

 _You can call me Ø7, not Gerald._

 _Both:_

 _Ladies and gentlemen._

 _We wanna thank you for listening to THSS._

 ***everyone claps***

 **69 NCH$:** See, it wasn't so bad.

 **50 Clown:** Oh, well, at least they clapped.

 **Sy10:** That was really good. Even though it was short. Now, where are my presents?

 **50 Clown:** Presents? Uh... you don't need presents.

 **Sy10:** No one is too old to have presents.

 **50 Clown:** I mean, do you need a present? We got everything for you. We have a dance floor, music, balloons, even your own royal lair.

 **Sy10:** It isn't enough. We need girls. Thick girls. Maybe her. She's kind of thick.

 ***Sy10 points at Lori***

 **50 Clown:** Dude, come on. Number 1, she is 17, so you can't have her. Number 2, she has a boyfriend.

 **Sy10:** Then bring in your sisters or something.

 **50 Clown:** They're all locked... except for one. She's 18 like you.

 **Sy10:** That's great. Is she thick?

 **50 Clown:** Excuse me a bit, are you a horny virgin or Sy10? Listen to me, the normal Sy10 I know does not act like that.

 **Sy10:** Perhaps, I am not Sy10. ***Sy10's voice changes*** I am somebody else.

 **50 Clown:** Okay, stop with the voi...

 ***Sy10 hits him in the head***

 **50 Clown:** Why'd you do that, Jake?

 ***Sy10 rips his face off that turns out to be a mask***

 **Stranger:** I am not Sy10, either Jake. I am Evan. Remember me?

 **50 Clown:** I like putting condoms on chickens.

 **Evan:** Me too, man. Especially when I choke it.

 ***69 NCH$ smacks 50 Clown***

 **69 NCH$:** Come on, dude, this is Evan Rogers. You know, the school bully.

 **50 Clown:** Get me some milk with apple juice in it.

 **69 NCH$:** Oh, great, his IQ level dropped down to a level of a pointing finger. That means he has the IQ of 6.

 **Lori:** How do you know?

 **69 NCH$:** I just know. I've seen people take the college IQ test before.

 **Lori:** Does it work?

 **69 NCH$:** Yes, it does.

 ***crying comes from Lily's room***

 ***everyone looks at each other, and then 69 NCH$ runs into her room***

 **Evan:** C'mon, whatever your name is, but according to these documents I have, it must be Lily, right? But c'mon, let's go for a little...

 **Evan (whispering in Lily's ear):** fun.

 **69 NCH$:** Not so fast.

 ***Evan looks at him***

 **Evan:** Oh, thanks for the tip. I really needed that. I don't wanna rush on her too much.

 **69 NCH$:** That's not what I meant.

 ***Evan throws a sleeping grenade on the ground and runs away***

 **69 NCH$:** What the.. ***coughs***

 ***everyone starts coughing except 50 Clown... which is dancing in the backyard naked***

 **50 Clown:** I'm a butterfly.

*the next day*

 ***69 NCH$ wakes up***

 **69 NCH$:** Come on. He escaped? I was gonna sucker-punch this guy in the nuts before he ran away.

 ***69 NCH$ hears 50 Clown scream***

 ***69 NCH$ runs to 50 Clown***

 **50 Clown:** Human, please, help me. The spider caught me in it's web and it's gonna eat me.

 ***50 Clown cries***

 **69 NCH$:** Gerald, come on. When you see a spider normally on you, you just crush it.

 **50 Clown:** My name is not Gerald. I'm Jared, the butterfly Pingu.

 ***69 NCH$ crushes the spider and sucker-punches 50 Clown in the face***

 **69 NCH$:** Get some f****** logic in there, you goddamn bastard.

 **50 Clown:** Wha.. what happened?

 **69 NCH$:** It's a long f****** story your mama never told you once. All that matters is that Evan Rogers, your high school bully, has kidnapped Lily for some molesting.

 ***50 Clown rages***

 **50 Clown:** That bloody bastard. Let's leave a note here to let them know where we've gone.

 **69 NCH$:** Gone?

 **50 Clown:** Yeah, obviously. We need to save Lily, and f*** that bastard up. Check if she has HIV/AIDS or STDs.

 **69 NCH$:** We don't know where he lives.

 **50 Clown:** Daniel, remember? Look it up on Google Earth. Plus, a phonebook. This is going to be a hard quest, but I ain't giving up without a fight.

 **THE END**


	5. Fools

**69 NCH$:** Gerald, you're crazy. He threw a sleeping grenade at us.

 **50 Clown:** Nobody's too crazy for me, n****. That n**** gone get wrecked by us. NOW F****** GET A PHONEBOOK!

 ***69 NCH$ goes to get a phonebook***

 **69 NCH$:** Here is a phonebook. Also, did you realize that the author keeps on writing our names as our artist names? He should really put our real names there.

 **50 Clown:** You're right.

 **Author:** Uh.. you know I've been hearing you all this time, 'cause I'm writing this right now. And by the way, 69 NCH$' real name is Daniel and 50 Clown's real name is Gerald.

 **Gerald:** Thank you, dude. Now, where were we?

 **Daniel:** Um.. looking for Lily.

 **Gerald:** Oh, yeah, right.

 ***Lori wakes up***

 **Gerald:** Oh, you're awake, Lori.

 **Lori:** Whe.. whe.. where is Lily?

 **Daniel:** Lori, it doesn't matter, but she has be taken for molestation. Plus, author, can you change the rating of your fanfiction to T. 'Cause it's getting darker now.

 **Author:** I've already done it. Now keep on fucking going. Yeah, I uncensored the swearwords now so everyone can swear whenever the fuck they want.

 **Gerald:** Why, thank you. Now I can really say nigga to let everyone know I am black.

 **Daniel:** No stereotypes though?

 **Author:** Nope. No stereotypes.

 **Daniel:** Okay, good, we don't wanna get sued. Now, back on track.

 **Lori:** Yeah, it's the best to stop breaking the 4th wall.

 **Gerald:** Lori. Wake up Miss Spotlight. She can help you take care of all this shit. I've met her before, she's really fucking nice.

 **Lori:** Thank you.

 ***Gerald gives Lori Daniel's phone number***

 **Gerald:** My phone is dead like everyone I dissed in the past. Yeah, I dissed some people so hard they actually killed themselves. Luckily enough they were 18+ so I didn't get sued.

 **Daniel:** Come on, Gerald. Are we saving Lily, or making her wait for Evan to teach her how to masturbate?

 ***Gerald gags***

 **Gerald:** Lily doesn't know shit about masturbating. I'm pretty sure she'd only get a cramp that lasts for only 2 seconds, bro. Just, don't mention it again. Let's go fuck that bloody bastard up.

 ***Gerald and Daniel leave while Lori wakes up Karen AKA Miss Spotlight***

 **Karen:** Oh, holy Lord, last night didn't go as expected. A pedophile took a baby for molesting. How unfortunate for the little snowflake.

 **Lori:** Get up and help me clean the place..

 ***Evan knocks Lori and Karen out***

 **Evan:** Heheheheheh, my plan worked out as expected. Plus, did they really think I was gonna molest little Lily? No, I just sent her to her... home. I'm getting paid cash money for this. Alright. Let's take the other siblings as well.

*meanwhile*

 **Gerald:** What does it say in the phonebook?

 **Daniel:** It says; Evan Al Rogers, address is 213 Pineapple Road, Brooklyn, NY.

 **Gerald:** I live in 489 Sexton Street, so we are pretty close. Just a 20 minute drive, bro. Let's listen to some Lil Peep on the way 'cause it fits the theme of this goddamn fanfiction.

 ***Gerald puts on Lil Peep***

 **Daniel:** You know, he made a collab with me back in 2016.

 **Gerald:** Oh, really, mate, he did? Nice. What's it called?

 **Daniel:** It's called "facing thru these moments". A really great, but heavy song. Anyway, drive, you ole fuckface.

 **Gerald:** Don't call me an ole fuckface, you nigger tot.

 **Daniel:** Just drive, mate.

 ***Gerald starts driving***

*20 minutes later*

 ***Gerald pulls up at 213 Pineapple Road***

 **Gerald:** This is a very nice place for a nigger tot like Evan.

 **Daniel:** You're right. Let's check it out.

 ***Gerald sees a mysterious face in a bordered up window***

 **Gerald:** DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK, DO... DO YOU SEE that, mate?

 **Daniel:** Do I see what?

 ***Gerald points at window where the face is***

 **Daniel:** OH, SHIT! THAT'S fucking creepy.

 ***Daniel & Gerald hear running coming from the inside***

 **Gerald:** Hell, naw, I ain't dealing with this.

 **Daniel:** Same with me. Let's go.

 ***Gerald & Daniel rush into Gerald's car, and Gerald drives as fast as he could the way back home***

 **Daniel:** I think that was some kind of a sick psychopath who was out to kill.

 **Gerald:** Yeah, for sure. Are you even sure that was a phonebook?

 ***Daniel checks and realizes it was fake***

 **Daniel:** Gerald, it is not a real phonebook. It's fake.

 **Gerald:** Fuck! Must've been Evan... wait, if Evan did this... he is...

 **Both:** still at the house.

 ***Gerald gives in***

 **Gerald:** Oh, that nigga is going to be fucked up.

*20 minutes later*

 ***Gerald pulls up at his house***

 **Gerald:** Let's run inside.

 ***Gerald and Daniel run inside, just to find out they get knocked out by Evan***

 **Evan:** Such dumbasses.

 ***Evan puts Gerald and Daniel into his stolen Jaguar***

 **Evan:** Let's get them to my real house... in Detroit, Michigan.

 **THE END**


	6. Closer To The Edge

***Gerald and Daniel wake up finding out they're tied together in a basement***

 **Gerald:** That fuckface nigger tot, Evan, fucked us up. Dang, he's way too smart.

 **Daniel:** I mean, he got double A triple plusses in high school so that is the reason he's a little Einstein.

 **Gerald:** Bitch, I'm smarter than that nigga. I got triple A quadruple plusses in high school. You got quadruple A double plusses.

 **Daniel:** We have to get the fuck out of here.

 **Gerald:** Right, nigga. Oh, shit, I think he's cumming. I-I mean... coming.

 ***Evan comes down into the basement***

 **Evan:** And you thought you could stop me. Plus, I never took Lily for molestation. I took her to her real parents.

 **Gerald:** What about the other kids?

 **Evan:** Where they should be, pedophile.

 **Gerald:** Nigga, I'm not a pedophile.

 **Evan:** Then why did you allow Lana into your bed?

 **Gerald:** She had a nightmare.

 **Evan:** Which is thrusting your cock into her butthole.

 ***Gerald rages*  
Gerald:**I wish I weren't tied now, 'cause if I wasn't then I'd crush your nuts in fucking half... and lowkey eat them. Those salty, crunchy nuts.

 **Evan:** That's lowkey gay.

 **Gerald:** I'm talking about the bag of nuts you're holding right now.

 **Evan:** Oh, yeah, right. I was eating dessert, and then I decided to have some crunchy ole FÉKEE's Nuts.

 **Gerald:** Good ole Jonas Fé Keith. It's wonderful he's still alive. I thought he had a bad case of lung cancer.

 **Evan:** Me too. But now, I got to go up. Can't miss my favorite show, Breaking Bad.

 ***Evan goes upstairs and locks the door to the basement***

 **Daniel:** Let's find a way to motherfucking escape.

 **Gerald:** That will be fucking impossible.

 **Daniel:** Shut the fuck up, Gerald. Let's just YOLO it.

 **Gerald:** Well, he didn't tie our legs or arms together (that stupid nigger tot), so we can untie ourselves.

 **Daniel:** True.

 ***Gerald and Daniel untie themselves***

 **Gerald:** Okay, so how are we going to escape?

 **Daniel:** I found the electric box for this house. We should turn off the TV, then we hide, wait for Evan to come into the basement, run upstairs and lock him in there. And we won't open it until he promises he'll drive us to the Loud household.

 **Gerald:** Nigga, that is genius.

 ***Gerald hears knocking on the window***

 ***Gerald turns around to look at the window and sees Tommy Pep***

 **Gerald:** Hey, Daniel, look, it's Tommy Pep. Oh, by the way, author, make sure to..

 **Author:** I've already done it.

 ***Gerald opens the window to get Thomas in***

 **Gerald:** Be quiet, Evan's upstairs.

 **Thomas:** I know, Karen is distracting him.

 **Gerald:** Do you have a way to escape this fuckhole?

 **Thomas:** I absolutely do. Listen very closely.

*meanwhile*

 **Evan:** Wait a second. So, you're telling me that Michael Jordan, my favorite childhood celebrity, wants to give me a free pair of quadruple platinum pair of Jordans Deluxe?

 **Karen:** Absolutely, Evan. He's even inviting you to a house party at his house.

 **Evan:** Wow, I thought you were with the others plus retarded but apparently, you do know something.

 **Karen:** Really? What?

 **Evan:** You know I'm going to have the time of my life!

 **Karen:** Calm down, let me drive you to him. He's waiting for you at Alfonso Wells.

 **Evan:** Hell, fucking YEEEEEEAAAAH!

 ***Evan runs to Karen's 2010 Cadillac CTS***

 **Karen:** Wait, you coo-coo face.

 ***Karen opens the car and drives Evan to Alfonso Wells***

 **Thomas:** She's gone with Evan.

 **Gerald:** Great, now smash the door down with that sledgehammer.

 ***Thomas smashes the door down with the sledgehammer***

 **Gerald:** We're free, nigga!

 **Thomas:** Alright. Now let's go to my brand new black 2019 Toyota Camry.

 **Daniel:** Damn, someone definitely knows how to spend their cash.

 **Thomas:** Oh, yeah, you're right. I bought my girlfriend's double H breast surgery for $900,000. Expensive, but worth it.

 **Gerald:** I can see that. My to-be ex-wife doesn't even have titties. Before she became a cow she had slim legs, nice thick booty cheeks, a juicy pussy, double D's and a cute smile. Now she has lumpy ass grandma legs, bubbly booty cheeks, not even the good kind, and her juicy pussy turned into a desert, it's basically a dry taco now, Sumo man tits and her smile would still be cute if she brushed her fucking teeth on the daily. She can't even sit on the toilet anymore, she literally needs a bucket.

 **Thomas:** Well, you know, she's a thot as well. I was driving the way home to you for the birthday party and on the way, I saw her kissing another guy, even though you haven't divorced yet.

 **Gerald:** Wow, what a whore.

 **Thomas:** But you know, my girlfriend has an older sister which is around 29, you could have her. She's an Instagram model too.

 **Gerald:** Oh, really, what's her name?

 **Thomas:** Jewel Warriors. My girlfriend's name is Hilda Warriors, but her sister's name is Jewel Warriors.

 ***Gerald's eyes go in shock***

 **Gerald:** Jewel Warriors? SHE IS SOOOOO SEXY. And she's single? Wow, like a lottery ticket but better.

 **Daniel:** Fucking hell, you're not a pedophile, you're a pervert!

 **Gerald:** Listen, Daniel, I was just a little excited.

 **Daniel:** Well, let's get excited by driving to Karen and Evan.

 **Thomas:** Oh, yeah, right. Let's go, Gerald. I'll get her later.

 **Gerald:** Alright, Thomas.

 ***Thomas opens the car for Gerald and Daniel***

 ***When Gerald and Daniel get in the car, Thomas drives away with them***

*10 minutes later*

 ***Thomas pulls up outside near Alfonso Wells***

 **Thomas:** Here they are outside. Karen and Evan. Now let's be quiet.

*meanwhile*

 **Evan:** Alright, woman, I'm getting really impatient.

 **Karen:** Just wait five more minutes. While you wait you should check behind you.

 **Evan:** Why?

 ***Gerald jumps out of a bush and throws Evan on the ground, and holds him there***

 **Gerald:** Gotcha, nigga.

 **Evan:** Fuck my life.

 **Gerald:** Now show us the way to the Loud household.

 **Evan:** Never!

 **Gerald:** Okay, I guess Daniel should come with the dildo drill.

 **Evan:** Nigga said what?

 ***Gerald punches Evan***

 **Gerald:** Racist motherfucker.

 ***Daniel comes with the dildo drill***

 **Daniel:** Get ready for it up that ass.

 **Evan:** No, please. Asses are my favorite animals.

 **Daniel:** Too bad.

 ***Daniel starts drilling the dildo drill into a donkey, 'cause ass also means donkey***

 **Evan:** No, this is too much!

*3 minutes later*

 **Evan:** Alright, fucking fine! You fucking win! I'll show you the way to the Loud household. Only if you leave me alone for the rest of my life.

 **Gerald:** Deal.

 ***Evan goes to the backseat of Thomas' car***

 **Karen:** Alright, I'm going home now. See you.

 ***Karen drives away***

 **Gerald:** Alright, Evan, drive us over there.

 **Evan:** Wait, I'm driving?

 **Gerald:** Yes!

 **Evan:** Okay. Fine.

 **THE END**


	7. The Last Wave

***Evan pulls up at the Loud household***

 **Evan:** Here you go. Now be quiet, the Loud parents have an AK-47, golden premium edition. Shoots quick.

 **Gerald:** Well, nothing gets quicker than me when it comes to privacy plus a bed.

 **Daniel:** Shut the fuck up, Gerald. Evan, do you know where they are?

 **Evan:** If I'm correct they are in the basement with all of the siblings tied up. Even arms and legs so they can't move.

 **Daniel:** Thanks.

 **Gerald:** Evan, you stay here with Thomas in case we need some items. Thomas put a lot of weapons and useful items in the trunk. Me and Daniel will go sneak into the backyard. On the side of the house in the backyard there's a tiny window we can look through.

*meanwhile, in the Loud household's basement*

 **Lynn Sr.:** Yes! We did it. Signing out of child custody class and lying to them that we've learned our lesson actually worked.

 **Rita:** Now, we can take our revenge on that stupid clown... actually, on our children and tell them how much we "missed" them.

 **Lincoln:** You wait, mom and dad! Gerald's going to slaughter you..

 **Lance:** Shut up, Lincoln, you don't know what tricks they're hiding in their sleeves. It could even be a chainsaw. But that'd just make them serial killers, they don't go that far.

 **Rita:** We'd actually do that to you, but unfortunately, we had to sell it for that AK-47.

 **Lance:** I definitely could see that.

 **Lola:** I'm hungry, can I get at least a sandwich?

 ***Rita slaps Lola***

 **Rita:** Shut the fuck up, you little ole brat. Do you know how much we spent on that princess stuff on yours?

 **Lola (stuttering):** No.

 **Lynn Sr.:** $9,000! That is like a whole bank.

 **Lincoln:** More like about 30 piggy banks.

*meanwhile, outside*

 **Gerald:** Nigga, damn, they motherfucking dumb! Also, did you see Rita slap Lola? I understand she's a brat but that's just her. I was also a little brat when I was young. Until I turned 9, then I realized being bratty is not the best idea.

 **Daniel:** This is the call for a sledgehammer, an axe and also a sniper rifle, just in case.

 **Gerald:** I'll go get them now.

 ***Gerald runs to the front of the Loud house just to see Thomas laying on the ground, scratched with a black eye***

 **Gerald:** Nigga, what happened?

 **Thomas:** That fuckface, Evan, stole my car. Said it was cool and he wanted it. I said no and then he pushed me out of the car and said; "Mine now, bitch!".

 **Gerald:** Don't worry. I'll buy you a newer, cooler car. Perhaps a Rolls Royce.

 **Daniel:** What is going on?

 ***Daniel sees the car is gone***

 **Daniel:** Don't tell me...

 **Thomas:** Yes, Evan stole my car. We have to break in some other way.

 **Daniel:** I know a way.

*3 minutes later*

 **Daniel:** Are you guys ready? We're breaking in with this wood log and running into the basement.

 **Gerald:** Nigga is crazier than I thought.

 **Thomas:** I agree, but I'm ready.

 **Gerald:** Me too, nigga.

 **All:** 3, 2, 1.

 **Daniel:** GO!

 ***the crew break into the house and break down the door to the basement running***

 **All:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

 ***the crew crashes into the Loud parents, knocking them out***

 **The Loud Siblings:** GERALD!

 **Gerald:** Ayy, whippersnappers, how's it going?

 **Lori:** Gerald, watch out!

 **Gerald:** Huh?

 ***Evan knocks Gerald, Thomas and Daniel out in one go***

*an hour later*

 ***Gerald wakes up***

 **Gerald:** Oh, crap, I'm tied now too.

 **Thomas:** You're not alone, Evan tied me and Daniel too.

 **Gerald:** Gotta give you credit for that one, that was smart, Evan.

 **Evan:** Why, thank you. Now, this sniper rifle I could definitely use, if I would. But I'm just going to keep it, just in case.

 **Daniel:** Hold up, let me get this straight. Why are the parents dressed up like Amsterdam thots?

 ***awkward silence***

 **Gerald:** Is that a question related to this situation, Daniel?

 **Daniel (stuttering awkwardly):** No.

 ***Gerald looks at the author***

 **Author:** I just wanted to light it up a little bit, first this fan fiction was getting too dark.

 **Gerald:** I can see that. Anyway, let's stop breaking the 4th wall.

 **Author:** Yeah, go back to business.

 **Gerald:** Anyway, let me get this straight. How did you esc-

 **Author:** YOU HEARD THEIR ROUTE THROUGH THE WINDOW, IDIOT!

 **Gerald:** Right, right.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Well, it doesn't matter 'cause we're about to... perhaps, kill you.

 **Gerald:** Oh, god, I think I know what you can kill off me.

 **Rita:** What?

 **Gerald:** My love life, it's screwed me in the dick everytime I met it. Do you wanna know why? Well, I could drive you to the nearest farm if you want to. It lives there. 'Cause my wife's a cow. Not just a cow. A cow thot.

 **Rita:** Wow... that's kind of sad.

 **Lynn Sr.:** I agree. Anyway, time to get you up on the hook.

 ***Lynn Sr. draws out a literal pirate hook***

 **Lynn Sr.:** I think some clown needs a little punishment from daddy.

 **Gerald:** Oh, god, no! Don't say that near my face. My ears are too sensitive.

 **Daniel:** I know you might mistake Gerald for a pedophile, but he hasn't even touched a child.

 **Gerald:** A child's private parts, just to correct you. I've touched a child before, but not in a sexual way. You know, like patting them on the back, putting my hand on their shoulder...

 **Rita:** Shut the fuck up, you ancient man.

 **Gerald:** Hey, I'm 32. You are in like your 40's now.

 ***Lynn Sr. punches Gerald in the eye***

 **Gerald:** Nigga, I've had a black eye before so it doesn't hurt that bad.

 ***Lynn Sr. kicks Gerald in the nuts, but hurts his foot instead***

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ow, fuck, pussy, balls. Is your cock a bowling ball?

 **Gerald:** Good thing I bought this metal groin protector to protect my groin. I'm very sensitive there.

 **Lynn Sr.:** I will kill you for that...

 ***Gerald kicks Lynn Sr. in the nuts***

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ow, fuck, how? You're tied!

 **Gerald:** You didn't tie my legs to the chair so I managed to use my feet to kick you. That was a double kick. Damn!

 **Daniel:** That was hard, man.

 **Lynn Sr.:** I won't be able to have kids in the future, like I want to.

 **Rita:** Let's finish you fuckers before we torture the kids.

 **Someone:** Oh, I don't think so.

 **Rita:** Huh?

 ***Karen knocks out Rita with her Dolce bag***

 **Karen:** And that's going to cost you $200, bitch!

 **Gerald:** Karen!

 **Karen:** I'm here to help you. With all the others at the party!

 **Daniel:** Uh, I'm afraid, no.

 **Karen:** What do you..

 ***Lynn Sr. knocks everyone out***

*3 hours later*

 ***silence***

 **Karen:** I bet their mother didn't give them a kiss.

 **Christopher (AKA DJ Chris Jay):** I'm just surprised I'm not dead yet.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Shut up, ancient. Now we guarantee no one's going to save you. We moved to an abandoned building, just to tie you all up.

 **Rita:** Now, let's show them.

 ***Rita and Lynn Sr. grab weapons, ready to kill them***

 **Gerald:** Well, I guess it's the end of all of us.

 ***Lori holds Gerald's hand***

 **Lori:** Whatever happens, at least God will take us welcome.

 **Thomas:** I agree.

 ***Thomas holds Daniel's hand***

 ***Daniel holds Gerald's hand***

 ***Lincoln holds Lance's hand***

 ***everyone that are tied up hold hands***

 **Gerald:** Wait, weren't our hands post to be tied together?

 **Author:** Yeah, I removed your hands being tied so you could hold hands. Now continue with the story.

 **Rita & Lynn Sr: **Hehehehehe.

 ***Evan hears motorcycles***

 **Evan:** Who is that?

 ***Gerald's staff bust in with motorcycles and stop with the motorcycles facing the Loud parents and Evan***

 **Alan:** ATTACK!

 ***Gerald's staff attacks the Loud parents and Evan***

 **Gerald:** ALAN!

 **Alan:** GERALD! Glad to see you. The kitchen worker, Cody, will cut off the rope so you can break free.

 ***Cody karate-chops the rope to pieces with his butcher knife and everyone breaks free***

 ***everyone that were tied cheer***

 **The Loud Parents and Evan:** WE GIVE UP!

 ***Gerald's staff stops attacking and walk away***

 ***Gerald walks to the Loud parents***

 **Gerald:** Evan, you can go home, and fuck off.

 ***Evan runs home crying***

 **Gerald:** Heh, pussy.

 ***Gerald looks down at the Loud parents***

 **Gerald:** Looks like we might need to tie these nigger tots together.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Gerald, stop! We really do have a reason why we abused our children.

 **Gerald:** Oh, well, tell me.

 **Rita:** *sigh* We were abused by our parents too.

 **Gerald:** Nigger bitch, you should've said that in the beginning.

 **Lynn Sr.:** We were going to but you assumed us for lying again.

 **Gerald:** We didn't trust you back then. But now that we know, I can say that.. you shouldn't abuse your children if your parents were abusive to you. That is chain abuse.

 **Rita:** We're the worst.

 **Daniel:** Actually... technically, no. You at least admitted which not many abusive parents do.

 **Lincoln:** He's right. You at least explained why you were abusive to us.

 **Gerald:** You've got to make me one promise though. Don't be abusive ever again to your children.

 **Lynn Sr.:** I guess so. Let's go home.

 **Gerald:** Can I, Thomas and Daniel stay at your house for the night?

 **Rita:** Sure.

*the next day*

 **Gerald:** Well, that was a goodnight sleep.

 **Thomas:** Yeah, I'm going home with a bus or something.

 ***Thomas walks away***

 **Daniel:** I'm coming with you, Gerald.

 ***Bobby pulls up in Gerald's limo***

 **Gerald:** Here he is. Well, it was a fun time with you whippersnappers. Short, but fun. See you.

 ***Gerald walks to the limo with Daniel***

 ***the Loud parents get an idea***

 **Lynn Sr.:** Aren't you going to miss Gerald?

 **Every sibling (except Lily):** Yes.

 **Rita:** Well, you can just go and live with him if you want. We can deal with just one child, plus, maybe it will happen again.

 **Lance:** Really?

 **Both parents:** Yes. Go, if you want.

 ***the Loud siblings run to Gerald***

 **The Loud siblings:** DAD!

 ***Gerald turns around, and cries of happiness, and starts hugging them all***

 **Gerald:** I'm sorry, but...

 **Lynn Sr.:** Don't worry, you can have them.

 **Gerald:** But... I thought..

 **Rita:** We've decided to let you have them.. except Lily. We'll keep her safe.

 **Gerald:** Yeah, I guess one child is enough for you. Also.. don't get too freaky again.

 ***the Loud parents and Gerald laugh***

 **Gerald:** You can come visit time from time at my house in New York. The address is 489 Sexton Street, Brooklyn, NY.

 **Lynn Sr.:** We'll do. Goodbye.

 **Gerald:** Goodbye.

 ***Gerald opens the car for the Loud siblings and Daniel***

 ***when the Loud siblings and Daniel have come into the car Gerald closes the door and goes in the front seat***

 **Gerald:** This will be so much fun. I will try my best to be the best father as possible.

*meanwhile, somewhere in Atlanta, Georgia*

 **Stranger:** He is quite smart... but not smart enough for me. I'm coming for you, Gerald. *laughs evilly*

 **THE END of the fanfiction**

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN...**

 **The Loud House: The Chaotic Search of Gerald**


End file.
